One of the topic choices for this week was discussing how involved my fiance has been involved in planning our wedding. Is he involved, does he have the liberty to be involved and am I doing anything to accomodate his choices?
I have been trying to balance out Ken’s involvement in our plans. When I was the single girl, I always rolled my eyes at my female friends dragging their significant others around dealing with all the minutia that makes up a wedding. Really, do the men really care whether you go with the cornflower or the periwinkle ribbons? Whether to go with the Chocolate ganache or the Chocolate buttercream, or the roses or the peonies? I never thought so. I always thought the details were up the women because they were the ones that really cared.
Now comes my turn to get married. I am not a detailed oriented person. I don’t know the difference between cornflower or periwinkle, I like all kinds of chocolate and like any flower if it isn’t pink. I want a wedding because I want to marry Ken. I want our friends and family there because they always make things more fun. Other than that. I don’t really care. Since I am so laid back about the whole ordeal, I figured barefoot wedding on the beach, Ken in some nice Khakis, me in a simple dress and a few friends to witness. I figured I would be any grooms dream. Low mainteneance. YAY!! Then Ken made a cute but telling comment. ” I want to wear a tux at our wedding because I feel like James Bond”. Hmmmm, a disconnect here. I thought 20 people, he had a large circle of friends from around the country that he wanted there and wanted to put something together to make it worth travelling the distance. Hmmmm again….
So to answer one question: How much liberty should the groom have to influence the wedding decisions? As much as he wants!! This is OUR day, I want it to be as special for him as it is for me. The wedding is not just to make the bride happy, it is the uniting of two people so it should be the uniting of their ideas.
The next question was how much has Ken injected himself into the wedding plans? Other than those few comments, getting information about what he wants can be like pulling teeth. He wants it to be special for me and wants me to do what ever I want. After a few months of us both “what ever you want”ing to eachother, we finally sat down and decided what we both wanted. In the end, it wasn’t a compromise beacuse we wanted to same important things. Neither one of us wanted to spend crazy amounts of money and we both just wanted our close friends and family. Easy!
I don’t show him every center piece I am looking at or every bouquet I see, but I want his final okay on most decisons. He usually gives the dutiful head nod and that is the end. But overall, since we are doing a destination wedding, we had to decide what we both wanted. We are doing the beach wedding I wanted and he will wear a nice suit. We are inviting all of his friends around the country and hopefully they can be there for the special day. It will be a nice affair in Key West to make it worth the travel, but we are also having the casual gathering on the beach I wanted in the following summer. When I asked his opinion on the general plans he said ” if there something I didn’t like, I would have told you”. So, he has free reign if he wants, but it doesn’t seem like he does. But…I guess it is the thought that counts.
